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first script

This is our original script but we've decided that this had too many faults as an opening and that we needed to re do it and change the style.

To Die For

A large Ford Focus pulls into the driveway of a stately home, its night time and the moon hangs in the sky. The man who comes out is middle aged, worn out and tired; he looks like an ordinary middle aged man coming home from work. We follow him as he makes his way through the house, through this it is revealed that he lives alone, there isn’t any food in the fridge or pictures on the wall. He makes his way into his office; it’s sleek and modern, cold and empty. He sits down in the chair behind his desk. He sighs and slouches back into his seat. He pulls a gun from his coat and puts it in a draw. Just then the phone on his desk rings loudly. The man picks it up)
Man 1
Hello.
Caller 1 (O.S)
The deal in Cuba has gone sour. (Man 1 opens the draw with the gun in it) You need to get out. You’ve probably already been burned; you’re on your own. (He hangs up the dial tone rings)
Man 1 puts the phone down, stands up and checks the clip in the gun quickly. He makes his way through the house quietly, the score begins to stir and it paces up. He goes upstairs once he gets to the landing he hears a creak downstairs. He backs away to the closet at the end of the landing. He pulls out a box from the bottom of the closet it contains some money and passports. He puts it in his pocket and goes to his bedroom, pulls out a suitcase and quickly stuffs in clothes. The phone downstairs rings again. He slowly makes his way downstairs pointing the gun at the hallway as he goes downstairs, you can see the sweat running down his face. Once at the bottom of the stairs he looks about and quickly gets to the phone before it stops ringing. He picks it up, but this time he waits for the caller to speak. It’s Morton, his voice is young and lethargic.
Green
Hello. Hello.

Man 1
Hello, Green?


Green
I’m on my way now I guess you’ve been burned?

Man 1
Yeah.


Green
I’ll be five minutes, get ready to go.
Man 1 hangs up and goes back upstairs, the pace revived. He gets the suitcase and drags it downstairs he puts it down by the door. Having worked up a sweat and goes to sit down in the lounge. He sits on the sofa, panting and wiping his face. The monotonous tick tock of the clock rack up the tension, a close up of the clock intercut with an interior shot on the door, a creak of the floorboard. The tension continues with shots of every way a villain could get in. The doorbell drones abruptly it startles Man 1 his hands are shaking, but he calms himself. He opens the door at the door stands Morton, a clean cut young man in his twenties, his eyes have dark rings around them, his voice doesn’t lose its lethargy in person.
Green
Are you ready?
Man 1
Yeah I just need to get some things.

He turns and begins walking back in
Green
So what’s your plan?
Man 1
Lie low try and avoid detection, chances are I’ll still be found
Green
One hell of a pension
Man 1 stands over a table in the hallway
Man 1
I suppo-
Alound bang and the tingling of a shell on the ground. Blood spatters over the clock and Man 1 falls on the dark floorboards, a pool of blood forming around his head, in the corner of the screen Green leaves.
Opening credits.